Rough Seas

#1
Psychological & emotional abuse 12
  • UPD: 03-17-14
  • MH2
  • 4061699

Psychological and emotional battering, through verbal abuse, kills your spirit. It cripples your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth. In many ways, this type of abuse does far more damage and long-term devastation than do physical blows.

Unfortunately for the victim survivor, this type of abuse can't be recognized as easily as a black eye, a bruise or a broken bone - and it almost always occurs behind closed doors.

Because they have not witnessed her acting abusively, friends and family members often do not understand or believe. Abusers are usually excellent actors, therefore, many people outside your home may only know her as a "wonderful person" or a "really great lady." Little do they suspect how cruel and spiteful your partner truly is.

Closed door abuse, in whatever form it takes, breaks hearts and spirits. We are left alone to wonder... Why does she treat me like this? Why only me? Why not anyone else?

When we are abused in any way, our self-esteem and self-worth begin to wither and die. We may think there is something "wrong" with us. We may begin to feel that we are not likeable or loveable. We may turn to drugs or alcohol to help us cope. We feel shamed - eventually we may feel angry and enraged.

Be aware:   When anger is hidden or buried or turned inward it can often make itself known through "depression." We may think, feel and honestly believe that we are suffering with depression, but in truth, we are quietly eating ourselves up with repressed rage over feeling hurt, humiliated and isolated.

Verbal Abuse: Psychological & Emotional Battering

Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Many men think or believe, that if they are not being physically harmed by their partner, then they are not being abused. This is far from true. If you are in a relationship which is draining something from you... you might not have recognized that she's eroding your self-esteem and happiness through verbal, mental, emotional and other forms of abuse.

The following is a list of ways to tell if you're being abused without being physically touched:

  • Withholding:  Does she stop speaking to you when she's displeased?  Ignore you?  Withdraw affection in order to punish you?
  • Countering:  Does she tell you you're wrong if you don't agree with her?  Argue against your every thought?  Tell you your feelings are wrong?  Tell you that you don't know what you're talking about?  Does she forbid you from having your own opinions?
  • Ridicule [Verbal Abuse Disguised as Jokes]:  Does she make fun of you?  Ridicule you regarding subjects about which you are particularly sensitive?  Does she seem to enjoy it?  Does she accuse you of not being able to take a joke?  Does she use sarcasm to put you down?
  • Blocking and Diverting:  Does she change the subject when you try to bring something up?  Divert serious discussions by accusing you of various things?
  • Accusing and Blaming:  Does she blame you for everything that goes wrong?  Accuse you of hurting her when you tell her your feelings?  Does she accuse you of having affairs?  Is she jealous?
  • Trivializing:  Does she belittle what you say?  Dismiss your feelings or accomplishments?  Insult you when you express pride in your own abilities?  Does she act as if your work is no big deal?
  • Under-mining:  Does she squelch your enthusiasm with insensitive comments such as, "You wouldn't understand", or "You'll never make it"?  Does she sabotage your ideas by pointing out all the ways in which they might fail?  Interrupt you when you need time alone?
  • Threatening:  Does she threaten you, overtly or covertly?  Threaten you with violence?  Threaten you with emotional pain?  Does she threaten you with knives, guns or some other weapon?
  • Name-calling:  Does she use vulgarities to insult you?  Call you cruel names?  Use terms of endearment with intense sarcasm?
  • Forgetting:  Does she make a promise and then "forget" to keep it?  Does she pretend not to remember certain incidents or discussions?  Pretend not to remember prior agreements?
  • Ordering:  Does she order you to do something instead of asking?  Demand things?
  • Judging and Criticizing:  Does she find fault with everything you do?  Does she tell you that you "ought to" or "should" do things a certain way?
  • Denial:  Does she deny that certain things happened?  Does she tell you that she didn't say something or that you never saw something occur?
  • Abusive Anger:  Does she erupt into a rage when she's angry?  Does she scream, yell, or shout?  Hurl obscenities?  Does her body language become more aggressive?  Does she stomp, strut, hit things, or hit you?  Become red in the face?  Throw things?

    Does she physically get in your way, or follow you from room to room?  Snap at you?  Is she usually irritable?  Does all of this usually take place in private, when you are alone?  [ It's a sure sign things are escalating if she attacks you in public. ]

  • Refusal to Accept Responsibilty:  Does she blame you for her anger?
Destruction of Property and Pets

Another type of abuse manifests itself in the form of destruction of your property and harming or threatenting to harm pets. Unlike physical or sexual violence, this form of battering is done without actually physically attacking or ever touching your body. It is, nevertheless, an assault on you. With this type of abuse, the destruction is not random.

The abuser exhibits anger by destroying your favorite possessions by smashing them or throwing them against the wall - perhaps it's a gift she gave you during courtship. She may kick a pet. Maybe your family heirlooms are destroyed, etc.

She purposefully chooses to destroy only the objects she knows will hurt you emotionally - using these demolition derbys as a demonstration of her power and control. In actual fact, they are a demonstration of her emotional immaturity and selfishness.

Occasionally the objects destroyed are selected randomly, but the destruction is still purposeful. To make a point, objects are thrown or destroyed and you never know when the assaults on property will turn into physical assaults on you.- this creates fear and terror. As is consistent with battering and abuse of any type, you are usually blamed for causing the outburst or destruction of the property.

This type of violence normally does not stay contained within the area of property and pets, but eventually escalates to include violence directed physically toward you. Don't ignore the warning signs and dangers of this type of abuse!

Email Excerpt from Jim:

"Even though she didn't return to my office that night, she did go on a rampage when she got home. She went into my home office and gathered my personal papers, threw them into the bathtub, and burned them. Then she destroyed my personal property.

Of all the property she destroyed, the care-bear was the hardest to tolerate. I have two care-bears that are about 2 feet high that sit on my dresser. They are stuffed bears made from the dresses of my two deceased grandmothers.

My Wife took a steak knife from the kitchen and impaled the crime victims card given to us from the police on to the knife, and then stabbed the care-bear through the heart. My son found the care-bear the next morning." Read more email excerpts like this one on Abused Men Speak Up - Abused Men Experiences.

Other Abusive Acts and Behaviors

Financial Abuse or Exploitation:  Does she control how you spend money, where you work and what property you buy?  Spend all family income including your money or savings?  Use credit cards without your permission; destroying your credit rating?  Force you to turn over your paycheck or your benefit payments?

Spiritual Abuse:  Does she put down or attack your spiritual beliefs?  Not allow you to attend the church, synagogue or temple of your choice?  Force you to join or stay in a cult?

Sexual Abuse:  Does she touch you or act in a sexual way that you don't want?  Force or pressure you into sexual acts?  Not let you have information and education about sexuality?  Infect you with HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases?

Neglect and Isolation:  Does she not let you see a doctor or dentist?  Take away TTY, hearing aids or a guide dog?  Lock you in the house without a phone?  Not allow you to take courses such as ESL (English as a Second Language) or other educational classes?

Verbal, Emotional & Psychological Abuse

The signs of psychological abuse can be seen in many ways and can be manifested in many behaviors. Psychological abuse also includes social, financial, spiritual and sexual components. Here are some verbal examples of emotional and psychological abuse:

  • Your body is so flabby it feels like spam.
  • You're so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at him, geeze, he's trying to think.
  • That isn't at all what I meant. You'll never understand how much I love you.
  • If you don't train that dog I'm going to rub your nose in its mess.
  • I'm more capable and better educated than you - I'll get the kids.
  • Grow up. You're just being childish and paranoid.
  • I'm not going to explain it to you because you'd never understand.
  • I used to think there was something really special between us.
  • Sure. Everything is always my fault isn't it? It's never about you.
  • Ohhhh...I'd love to smack you right now!
  • Stop acting like such a pig. My friends are asking me if I let you behave that way when I'm around or if it's just something you do on your own.
  • In what world does buying that make sense?
  • You handle the finances for now; I'll step in when things go to hell.
  • How dare you talk about our personal business with _______. (fill in the blank)
  • I used to be really physically attracted to you
  • Let me do the talking; people listen to me more than they do to you.
  • You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!
  • Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself; our children don't need you to confuse them.
  • There's no such thing as a "good man."
  • Don't take this the wrong way, but there are times I wish I'd never met you.

It's important to remember that any of these examples of psychological abuse can happen to either a man or a woman. Abusers are everywhere. They are co-workers, employers, neighbours, relatives, professional people (doctors, lawyers, clergymen etc.), from a stranger at the local flea market to any one of your relatives and friends.

[ Examples of emotional & psychological abuse by Kelly Holly from verbalabusejournals.com paraphrased and additions made by Heart 2 Heart Living. Thank you for making this information available. ]

Quiz: Am I an abused man? - Take a cruise through the Abused Man Quiz. The quiz results will provide you with valuable pieces of your abuse puzzle - leaving you no doubt whatsoever.

See also:

Male Abuse Studies

2010 CDC Report: More Men are Victims of Domestic Violence

According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Justice, in the last 12 months more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men.

Men were also more often the victim of psychological aggression and control over sexual or reproductive health. Despite this, few services are available to male victims of intimate partner violence. Article by Bert Hoff J.D. article - Read the CDC Study on Male Abuse

Canada Speaks Up

Like all previous studies of intimate partner abuse, the GSS findings indicate that abuse was not an isolated event. 54% of these male victims had experienced spousal violence more than once in the preceding period. In fact, 13% of them had experienced it more than 10 times.

The number of spousal assaults against men reported to the police was higher in 2000 than in 1995. This increase might reflect a variety of potential factors: greater willingness on the part of victims to report to the police; changes in the reporting practices of the police; and/or changes in legislation, policing or enforcement practices. Read the Intimate Partner Male Abuse Study


A random selection of posts from our site:

Riding the Wheel » You have likely been trying and trying to stop her abusive behaviour and nothing has worked. Nothing has worked because she doesn't want to stop controlling you and abuse is her method of doing it ...

Highly Sensitive People in Love » Sensitivity is anything but a flaw. Many HSPs are often unusually creative and productive workers, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals ...

The Secret Side of Domestic Violence » The accounts I heard that day were nothing if not anguished: an auto mechanic whose fiancee pushed him down a flight of stairs, a teacher whose wife went to jail after stabbing him ...

Joys and Challenges of Being Sensitive » This article is part of an ongoing series about the joys and challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person. It is part of an overall guide to better understanding what high sensitivity - as an inborn genetic trait - is all about .....

Are you listening? » Many abusers have a specific body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle - but discernible - warning signs. Pay attention to the way ...

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These people are here for you. Call them. Explain your situation honestly and openly. This is not the time to defend or protect her or to downplay the extent of abuse you are living with. The bottom line is that abuse is abuse - you don't deserve it.


If you need immediate help contact your local police department or emergency services. Hold her accountable for her actions. DV laws protect everyone. This includes you and all abused men. Claim your rights.

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Hunting - Nunavut, Canada

You Deserve A Break

  • Have a laugh

    The pain-killing endorphins you release in one laughing session will last between 12-24 hours

  • Chuck Norris Factoids
    We duly affirm this snip was Chuck Norris Approved 12 12 2012

    • Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits
    • When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he discovered he'd already missed 3 calls from Chuck Norris
    • Chuck Norris once made a Happy Meal cry
    • When God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris said "say please"
    • Chuck Norris remembers the future
    • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet - the bear isn't dead it's afraid to move
    • Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience
    • There is no Theory of Evolution - just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live
    • Chuck Norris doesn't read books - he stares them down until he gets the information he wants
    • Chuck Norris does not love Raymond

    DYK:  Tough guy Chuck Norris is actually a devout Christian - always has been - Read more

  • George Carlin
    He was a satirical, social whip and yep... hilarious. He was George Carlin

    • No one knows what's next, but everybody does it
    • Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it
    • "No comment" is a comment
    • In America, anyone can become president - that's the problem
    • Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit
    • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
    • Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that
    • Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself

    DYK:  Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves

  • The Dos Equis Man
    The Dos Equis man - here's a sampling of some of the most humourous we found

    • He lives vicariously - through himself
    • He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it felt
    • His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body
    • When it's raining, it's because he is thinking of something sad
    • His shirts never wrinkle
    • He is left-handed and right-handed
    • If he were to mail a letter without postage - it would still get there
    • The police often question him just because they find him interesting
    • His mother has a tattoo that says "Son"
    • He once taught a German Sheppard to bark - in Spanish
    • On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him
    • Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect
    • In museums, he is allowed to touch the art
    • His business card simply says I'll call you.
    • He has won the lifetime achievement award - twice
    • If he were to slap your face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him
    • He bowls overhand
    • He is fluent in all languages, including three that only he speaks
    • He tips an astonishing 100%
    • Once, while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut
    • Panhandlers give him money
    • His passport requires no photograph
    • When he drives a new car off the lot, it increases in value
    • He once brought a knife to a gunfight just to even the odds

    DYK:  Dos Equis translates from Spanish as "Two Xs" - pop-up a graphic of the label to see for yourself

    Read about the real man and how he came to be - Jonathan Goldsmith "The World's Most Interesting Man"

International Days

A random global spin is sharing this day with you:

May 17  World AIDS Vaccine Day

There are no passengers on spaceship Earth - we are all crew. Let's make our cruise the best it can be for all sentient life and the world's biodiversity - for the air, the earth and the oceans.

Of Special Interest
  • She really doesn't want to stop controlling you and abuse is her method of doing it.

  • Everything you need to identify the users & abusers and get them out of your life for good.

  • Getting what she wants using trusted coercive methods similar to those of prison guards.

  • Inside, the ultra-sensitive man is screaming, "Do you see what you're doing? You're killing me!"