We know the truth

No matter age or gender of the target; no matter whether the abuse is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or financial - abuse devastates body, mind and spirit. It all hurts.

They know the truth

There are no differences among the broken hearts and wounded souls of all. What is different, however, are the familial, social, and lawful reactions to the gender of the person and how each copes.

You know the truth

You own the right to be treated with kindness, love and respect.

Your survival instinct has kicked in. Welcome back.

Men Hurt Too

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"The very society who teaches a man to be non-violent toward women re-acts with stunned disbelief and indifference if that same man pleads for help and support when he is being abused by a malicious, vindictive predator - a woman. - Quote by Sherry Jackson from Heart 2 Heart Living - Men Hurt Too - 2003

You are not a victim - you're a survivor.  And we're glad you found us.

Life inside an abusive relationship is lonely and humiliating. You may feel like you are the only one - you are not. All over the world good-hearted men, just like yourself, are struggling to survive in an abusive relationship. Contrary to what most of society believes, men and women are equally abused. We know this because, everyday single day, more abused men are speaking up.

The Users, Abusers & Bullies

Definition of abuse for domestic and intimate relationships: Abuse is when someone in a caring relationship does or says things to gain control over another person by hurting that person or causing feelings such as fear, anxiety, nervousness, guilt, helplessness or worthlessness.

Abuse is not, however, limited to domestic or intimate relationships. Abuse occurs in elder-care homes and special-needs facilities. Children are abused by coaches and day-care guardians. Animals are horrifically used and abused by the millions. Abuse can happen at work, in the grocery store or on the internet.

  • Are you here because you know you are being abused? Do you think you might be, but aren't sure?
  • Do you want to leave but you are afraid or don't know how to go about it? Are you planning to leave or want to leave an abusive relationship and you need support?
  • Are you here because you have recently ended an abusive relationship and you need to understand what happened to you, how it happened, why it happened and how you can best reclaim your life?

No one and no living thing is safe from the possibility of a bully, an abuser or personality disordered individual trying to take advantage, do harm, use or manipulate for their own benefit. Having said that, the truth is that abuse always begins with you. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're being treated like garbage and it sounds incredulous - but it is the absolute truth. How many times have you asked yourself the following questions:

Why do I allow myself to be treated like this? Why do I keep taking all this crap?

Well, my friend, before you read any further - give yourself a big pat on the back and give yourself credit because you're here now and you're looking answers - you're caring about yourself. You either know you're being abused or you think you might be abused, but you aren't sure. In either case, you will find many of your answers on the pages of this site and within our network.

You will also find your answers through links to the offsite men's resources we've found to be helpful to survivors of emotional & psychological abuse - a.k.a. domestic violence.

As an abused man, the most important place for you to start is here, understanding and believing these three simple, life-saving truths:

1)  You have done nothing to deserve being used as a psychological toy, a financial resource or a dumpster for all her emotional garbage. The second item to wrap your head - and your heart - around is this:

2)  You can't stop her from being abusive. You can't love her enough to 'change her' and stop the abuse. Only she can make the decision to stop being an abusive person. Only she can decide to accept responsibility for her behaviour and make the necessary changes for personal growth such as seeking professional therapy.

She may have childhood trauma or may be carrying baggage from previous relationships - but whatever her reasons and issues are - there is no excuse for the way she treats you.

3)  You are in control of your life through every single choice and decision you make every single moment of every day. You are the only person controlling your life even when it may seem as though someone else is pulling all the strings.
Your #1 Priority

Your #1 priority is to look after youself and, if you have any, your dependents. It all begins and ends with you. You can choose to live with abuse or choose to not live with abuse. When you choose the latter and begin to make good, healthy decisions for youself - you and your dependents will immediately reap the benefits of your choices.

Empower yourself...
you own the right to be treated with kindness, love and respect

Begin creating the life you want by empowering yourself with knowledge and self-awareness. Understand how she controls you by keeping you emotionally unbalanced between "love" and "abuse" with the The Cycle of Abuse.

Learn how to set your boundaries, positively assert yourself and make healthy choices through developing your self-esteem. When you do these things for youself, what follows comes naturally - good things and good people come into your life.

Need help right now? If at anytime you feel you are in danger, call your local emergency services. Otherwise, get in touch with national or local abuse hotlines. Those people are there to help you. Many of them have been where you are right now. They understand what you are going through. The HotPeach Pages have listings in all countries - in many cities - in all languages.

Good folks!

Maybe you weren't aware of these facts: People who become abused are good folks. We are intelligent, thoughtful and are, very often, extremely creative. We bring beauty and love to our world. People who most often find themselves in an abusive relationship are sensitive, gentle and kind-hearted.

We care - abusers don't

We understand other people's emotions and are able to empathize and sympathize with them. We are in touch with other people's feelings because we are compassionate. And this is one of the many reasons why we often find ourselves in abusive relationships.

Without fail, we care about other people's feelings while abusers do not. They never will as long as they remain in their abusive state of mind. There is no excuse for even one conscious act of abuse. Kind-hearted people are naturally inclined to not hurt another person's feelings.

Kellie Jo Holly over at Verbal Abuse Journals writes:

"Abusers target victims, in part, for their natural inclination toward healing humankind. Your great empathy, compassion and awareness of the pain of others is the soft-spot on your underbelly that abusers target first."

Thanks, Kelly. It's the absolute truth.

Supporting & helping a friend or family member

If you have a friend, co-worker or family member whom you believe is being abused please browse through our site. You'll gain an in-depth understanding of exactly what he is living with on a daily basis.

See: Supporting & helping a friend or family member. You'll be better prepared to offer him a kind heart and a helping-hand rather than inadvertently re-victimizing him with a lack of knowledge and insight as to how repeated abuse destroys a person piece by piece.

Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse. The most damaging aspect of abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust. - Robert Burney


A random selection of posts from our site:

Why do we stay? » Outsiders do not understand how living with abuse gradually deteriorates soul and self - piece by piece. Only we can understand we can't stay and why we can't leave ...

Getting Past Minimizing Abuse » It is often helpful to look at some specific questions that can bring abuse to light more subtly by getting past the minimizing, rationalizing and justifying ...

Men Are People Too » When most survey data are compared with archival data, it appears that only 8% of women who are assaulted report the abuse. It also shows that only 1% of men who are assaulted report the abuse ...

Assertive Behaviour - your friend » One of the reasons you may have been so attractive to an emotionally abusive person is that it has been clear from the start that you could be manipulated into taking care of her ...

CDC Study on Male Abuse » According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Justice, in the last 12 months more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men .....

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Quotable

The greater danger for most of us isn't that our aim is too high and miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it. - Michelangelo
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Doing it for You

Self-awareness is Self-empowerment

6 other people are here with you - upping their game - taking control and making positive life changes for themselves and those they love.

Mark Twain

"Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

Courtesy of Political Humour About

Men Around the World


Dragonboat Racing - Australia

Of Special Interest
  • She really doesn't want to stop controlling you and abuse is her method of doing it.

  • Getting what she wants using trusted coercive methods similar to those of prison guards.

  • Owning your personal boundaries are a vital part of learning how to to love and respect yourself.

  • Inside, the ultra-sensitive man is screaming, "Do you see what you're doing? You're killing me!"