No matter age or gender of the target; no matter whether the abuse is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or financial - abuse devastates body, mind and spirit. It all hurts.
There are no differences among the broken hearts and wounded souls of all. What is different, however, are the familial, social, and lawful reactions to the gender of the person and how each copes.
You own the right to be treated with kindness, love and respect.
Your survival instinct has kicked in. Welcome back.
"The very society who teaches a man to be non-violent toward women re-acts with stunned disbelief and indifference if that same man pleads for help and support when he is being abused by a malicious, vindictive predator - a woman. - Quote by Sherry Jackson from Heart 2 Heart Living - Men Hurt Too - 2003
You are not a victim - you're a survivor. And we're glad you found us.
Life inside an abusive relationship is lonely and humiliating. You may feel like you are the only one - you are not. All over the world good-hearted men, just like yourself, are struggling to survive in an abusive relationship. Contrary to what most of society believes, men and women are equally abused. We know this because, everyday single day, more abused men are speaking up.
Definition of abuse for domestic and intimate relationships: Abuse is when someone in a caring relationship does or says things to gain control over another person by hurting that person or causing feelings such as fear, anxiety, nervousness, guilt, helplessness or worthlessness.
Abuse is not, however, limited to domestic or intimate relationships. Abuse occurs in elder-care homes and special-needs facilities. Children are abused by coaches and day-care guardians. Animals are horrifically used and abused by the millions. Abuse can happen at work, in the grocery store or on the internet.
No one and no living thing is safe from the possibility of a bully, an abuser or personality disordered individual trying to take advantage, do harm, use or manipulate for their own benefit. Having said that, the truth is that abuse always begins with you. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're being treated like garbage and it sounds incredulous - but it is the absolute truth. How many times have you asked yourself the following questions:
Why do I allow myself to be treated like this? Why do I keep taking all this crap?
Well, my friend, before you read any further - give yourself a big pat on the back and give yourself credit because you're here now and you're looking answers - you're caring about yourself. You either know you're being abused or you think you might be abused, but you aren't sure. In either case, you will find many of your answers on the pages of this site and within our network.
You will also find your answers through links to the offsite men's resources we've found to be helpful to survivors of emotional & psychological abuse - a.k.a. domestic violence.
As an abused man, the most important place for you to start is here, understanding and believing these three simple, life-saving truths:
Your #1 priority is to look after youself and, if you have any, your dependents. It all begins and ends with you. You can choose to live with abuse or choose to not live with abuse. When you choose the latter and begin to make good, healthy decisions for youself - you and your dependents will immediately reap the benefits of your choices.
Begin creating the life you want by empowering yourself with knowledge and self-awareness. Understand how she controls you by keeping you emotionally unbalanced between "love" and "abuse" with the The Cycle of Abuse.
Learn how to set your boundaries, positively assert yourself and make healthy choices through developing your self-esteem. When you do these things for youself, what follows comes naturally - good things and good people come into your life.
Need help right now? If at anytime you feel you are in danger, call your local emergency services. Otherwise, get in touch with national or local abuse hotlines. Those people are there to help you. Many of them have been where you are right now. They understand what you are going through. The HotPeach Pages have listings in all countries - in many cities - in all languages.
Maybe you weren't aware of these facts: People who become abused are good folks. We are intelligent, thoughtful and are, very often, extremely creative. We bring beauty and love to our world. People who most often find themselves in an abusive relationship are sensitive, gentle and kind-hearted.
We care - abusers don't
We understand other people's emotions and are able to empathize and sympathize with them. We are in touch with other people's feelings because we are compassionate. And this is one of the many reasons why we often find ourselves in abusive relationships.
Without fail, we care about other people's feelings while abusers do not. They never will as long as they remain in their abusive state of mind. There is no excuse for even one conscious act of abuse. Kind-hearted people are naturally inclined to not hurt another person's feelings.
Thanks, Kelly. It's the absolute truth.
If you have a friend, co-worker or family member whom you believe is being abused please browse through our site. You'll gain an in-depth understanding of exactly what he is living with on a daily basis.
See: Supporting & helping a friend or family member. You'll be better prepared to offer him a kind heart and a helping-hand rather than inadvertently re-victimizing him with a lack of knowledge and insight as to how repeated abuse destroys a person piece by piece.
Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse. The most damaging aspect of abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust. - Robert Burney