The Bullies & Personality Disordered Folks

How many are infesting your life?

They'll stop at nothing in order to win.

They never change. They never give up. They are relentless. They will drive you to the point of insanity if you let them. They are the bullies and the personality disordered folks!

We all know someone like that. Maybe we are married to, dating or living with one. An employer, sister, co-worker, cashier, Grandpa, doctor, Aunt, best friend, parent or a neighbour? They are everywhere.

The Bullies

"Those who can... do. Those who can't... bully." - Tim Field

The objectives of serial bullies are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. These are achieved by a number of means including disempowerment, the stimulation of excessive levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt, manipulation (especially of emotions and perceptions), ritual humiliation and constant denial.

Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. In the workplace, bullying usually focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance.

Bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. They are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying.

Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment, etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood.

[ The Bullies © by Bully Online - Tim Field. Thank you for making this information available ]

Personality Disordered Folks

Who are these people? In romantic relationships, they are controlling, abusive, manipulative partners who can ruin not only the relationship, but our self-esteem, finances, and reputation. As a parent, they can put the "D" in Dysfunctional Family and be the parent that abuses, neglects, ignores, or psychologically damages their children.

As a family member, they maintain themselves as the center of attention and keep the family in an uproar, or they may be the 45 year old brother who has never worked and remains dependent on the family for his support. They may be the brother or sister who verbally bullies and intimidates others with their temper tantrums.

As a friend they may be irresponsible, selfish, unreliable, dishonest, and often create significant problems in our life. As a neighbor, they spread rumors, create disharmony in the neighborhood, and steal our lawnmower. As a coworker they are manipulative, unethical, dishonest, and willing to damage co-workers to achieve their employment goals.

On the street they are the criminals, con artists, and people-users who purposefully damage others, then quickly move on to avoid detection.

[ Personality Disordered Folks © by Dr. J. M. Carver, PhD. Thank you for making this information available ]

Personality Disorders:  The Controllers, Abusers, Manipulators and Users

The Bully Primer - Knowledge is Power

Child Abuse & Bullying

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

The Drama Triangle

The Mystery of the Stockholm Syndrome - Loving An Abuser

Other Reading